such a straight line

i constantly want to leave work. i think of going to the mall or wal-mart, a bike ride, anything. sometimes i feel myself on the verge of dropping whatever i'm doing and sneaking out the back, never to return, just so i can feel the rush of departure. but when it comes time to leave at the end of the day, by the time i get to my bike and get ready to ride off, i'm drained of motivation. i stop thinking and suddenly i'm halfway home, going down the same goddam roads. sometimes i fool myself into thinking i'll go right back out the door once i get home, just as soon as i've checked for e-mail or phone messages. i'll even leave my boots and coat on. but then it's hours later and dark outside and the only places open are food-4-less and a far-away record store.

RIGHT NOW IT IS SIX PM AND I CAN STILL SALVAGE THE DAY. SO GOODBYE.