shag all my friends

i feel wrong.

listening to arab strap.

tried to be good; was bad. am bad.

the speakers won't yell at me loud enough.

i used to think it all started in eighth grade, but now i'm leaning towards second grade. which is even more disturbing.

"my cock's as numb as my heart"

i'mnottrying.
i very rarely feel at home, at ease, comfortable. never? i can't picture it. i read about closeness, affection, eye contact, but i can't stop being COLD.

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went to f-4-l today, came back with way many pounds of food. way many. in the store, i had a shopping cart. a buggy, a trolley, a carriage. what if we were carl barat and pete doherty? i can't keep my vision clear. WHAT I'M DOING IS PUSHING AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT SAYS
BE UNDERSTANDABLE
BE SMOOTH AND FORWARD-THINKING
BE COMPOSED AND PREDICTABLE
BE AMBITIOUS
BE AN ASSHOLE AND BUY SHINY THINGS
BE RIGHT
BE NEAT AND CLEAN
BE COMFORTABLE AND COWED
BE PRESENTABLE
BE IT.

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it's always later than i think it is. what does this mean, doctor?

have no regrets; i'll see you in the morning. and in these dreams.

much love,
jesse