Wednesday, March 22, 2006

does this make me an asshole?

So I put an ad up online for a dishwashing job at my restaurant, and I've been amusing myself by responding to the more retarded of the responses I got. Here's one guy's e-mail to me, followed by my response:



Dear Prospective Employer,

I found your job posting for a dishwasher on
portland.craigslist.org I, which to me, sounds like an
excellent choice.

Enclosed in this e-mail is my resume for the
Dishwasher position advertised from
portland.craigslist.org found on the Internet. I am a
person with several skills that will be essential to
the workplace. The highlights of my skills include
cash handling, greeting customers, communicating and
telephone assistance. Also, I have experience with
dishwashing and serving other people; I've had about 5
years experience in dishwashing.

In addition to the skills I can bring to the
restaurant, I am also a well-rounded student. I have
maintained a 3.7 GPA, I'm serving on my class's
student government, and I'm an active member of my
school's National Honor Society chapter.

Thank you for your time. Please send me a response on
the job/hiring status. My contact information is
listed on the resume. I hope that we do keep in touch.

Sincerely,

Michael Hicks

---------------------------

and here's the response he got:

-----------------------------

Dear Pitiful Applicant,

I read your job reply for a dishwasher on
portland.craigslist.org, which to me, sounds like a
horrible choice.

Enclosed in this e-mail is a meaningless song with no
relevance to the Dishwasher position advertised from
portland.craigslist.org found on the Internets.

You are a person with no skills, which makes you
inessential to the workplace. The highlights of your
uselessness include lack of relevant experience, a
flawed approach to self-promotion, and a general lack
of understanding when it comes to applying for a job.
Also, you're kind of a douchebag; you've had about 5
years experience in douchebagging.

In addition to the skills you can't bring to the
restaurant, you are also a massive tool. You may have
maintained a 3.7 GPA, but it is only due to the
corruption of public school grading systems. Your
serving on your class's student government is entirely
without significance in this arena, and your
membership in your school's National Honor Society
chapter could not be more trivial.

Thank you for your time. Please expect no further
response on the job/hiring status. Your contact
information was listed on the resume. I hope that we
do keep in touch.


You're A Douchebag,
Guy With A Job, Who Will Not Be Hiring You.

5 Comments:

Blogger Ryland said...

Yeah, pretty much.

Also, that guy's going to find this someday when googling for himself. Hi, guy.

1:21 AM  
Blogger Sammy said...

And bye bye. Bye bye. And bye bye.

2:23 AM  
Blogger Sammy said...

An especially nice touch was sending him a song along with his bitchslap.

3:37 AM  
Blogger Jonny said...

Gawd, you are SUCH and A hole. I mean, we're dealing with this guy's CAREER.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Jesse said...

yeah, the song was, of course, 'Stronger Shitting'.

10:05 AM  

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