a bird in the hand

listening to pretty hate machine as the sun comes up. feel sick, decided to be vegan, throw my life away. well aware of my shortcomings tonight, painted my nails pale shimmery pink, listened to my new deftones ringtone. sleep the day away rather than buy food. flirting with disaster, necking with adulthood. the great cambodian leaflet. my selfishness knows no bounds. under the covers my fears are only dreams, snippets of nothingness that i can write off. i can follow the breadcrumbs, trace back my poor posture and distance and ISSUES, lay the blame at the base of the fire. watch it burn, turn and walk away. wait for my very own crippled sparrow to wake me up.

i want to run into a pole, smash things, lie on the floor, fly in the face of ski instructors. i want to have the ability to be normal. i do not want eye surgery. i am more alone than okay.

BUT TOMORROW I WILL GO FOR A BIKE RIDE AND BUY CEREAL (AND SOY MILK) AND GRAB LIFE BY THE SHORT HAIRS. this never happened.