theory v. practice

berlin was old, fast and tiring. there were lots of old, big buildings and shit. i think my talk went well but i was too tired to be nervous and don't really remember anything about it. maybe the audience members feel the same way.

i have to make a decision this week. go to berlin all out for my ph.d. or try to work some half-half thing where i stay here part time and there part time. the first option makes my stomach ache and my head spin and the second option means i have to find some question that can only be properly answered by research here and in germany and my two advisers will frequently give me conflicting advice and try to find ways to get the other guy to fund me.

the commitment-phobe in me says to run, run, run away from berlin but the other part of me says that this is exactly what i need to get over being afraid of commitment.