Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Thought maybe you were in love with me.

shadows of a pretend mess. liter of dew, downed in the five-minute break in the middle of a long evening class. twitching, hearing music in my head, playing the keyboard on my notebook. forgetting everything only moments after remembering. flying home, into the wind, feet not touching the ground until the driveway. still jumpy. i have so many sentimental objects, it's ridiculous; this bracelet means this and that necklace means that. in my mind i am wildy affectionate and open and lively, but on tape i am flat and boring and remote. so i compensate with nail polish. fuck you, macho automotive aggressive angry frightened serious america. i laugh and turn away, keep walking.

this camouflage makes us feel less vulnerable, less displayed, less mainstream. the bright orange makes sure we don't get lost or wounded. emotional dressing is the catchphrase of the moment. 'lifted' is the bright eyes album of the moment. this morning it was 'letting off the happiness'.

children are people, too. don't fuck with them.

i am perfect in every way.


Blogger l said...

i'm worried that none of you really exist anymore. that i'm letting you stagnate as the people you were when we all lived together.

i am generally happy right now.

the bus drivers are a constant source of fascination for me and i can't help but feel like i was missing out when i hardly rode the bus.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Jesse said...

i exist, even if it is in stagnation.

cereal is life. mace irritates the throat. beads and playing cards fill the empty spaces.

(this cookie's got a fortune.)

10:52 PM  
Blogger Jesse said...

i'm listening to early tool. my mind is being blown. i need to go to motherjacking sleep like now soon big fight laugh to yourself etc my nose is COLD.

2:21 AM  
Blogger l said...

hey, i was up at 2:21 this morning freaking out about dying in my sleep and how i needed to get to sleep RIGHT THEN because i have my hilljack stats class to go to bright and fucking early at 8:30 am.

i'm looking up different professional society meetings to go to and present shit at. i don't actually have anything to present yet, but i will. at the society for ecological jill-offs who just want to get paid to walk around in the woods. that's my fucking society.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Jesse said...

HA. yet another justification for the pneumatic tube system.

i need to get better at throwing away food. or at least saving it for later. i am not a goddamn garbage pail.


2:57 PM  

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