a bit
Its 1am, I'm writing this paper.
Snow is still on the ground, but is getting close to gone.
I can't decide if I like what I'm doing (grad school). Many hours spent feeling 'Fuck fuck fuck, run away away away.' Then there's times when I'm actually in action, and it feels good. Maybe just because I forget to think. The big picture is, we're all gonna die. Or something unhappy like that.
The emptiness of this building at night is creepy. In the IRCs, there were allways fellow combatants. Even when this building is full during the day, I don't feel any comradery, I'd imagine PSU is pretty similar. I'm hungry.
Snow is still on the ground, but is getting close to gone.
I can't decide if I like what I'm doing (grad school). Many hours spent feeling 'Fuck fuck fuck, run away away away.' Then there's times when I'm actually in action, and it feels good. Maybe just because I forget to think. The big picture is, we're all gonna die. Or something unhappy like that.
The emptiness of this building at night is creepy. In the IRCs, there were allways fellow combatants. Even when this building is full during the day, I don't feel any comradery, I'd imagine PSU is pretty similar. I'm hungry.
posted by Jonny at 10:00 PM
3 Comments:
haHA. i'm being a busy beaver and applying for the graduate counseling program. the deadline is fast approaching, so i've decided to ignore any qualms i may have and just fucking do it. setting myself up for a few more years of school BS seems like the right thing to do today. because, really, fuck everything else.
YES jonny. this is exactly what i think every day. my building is full of people, but we're all the time in our respective offices, working away at our respective, super-specialized projects.
by hook or by crook, i am going to find a way to do my ph.d. work in eastern oregon, where at least if i'm going to be alone, i'm going to be GODAMNED ALONE, rather than this bullshit of people all around but no contact. if i stay at this school, i'll only have 3 or so more classes to take for my specific ph.d. way i see it, i can do those in a quarter and then join the wild and free souls LIVING out there in the big open west (it's east of here, but it's still more western than seattle will ever be).
Update:
Crossed a medium-large hurtle yesterday (first committee meeting) and have been feeling pretty terrific. Um, also, peanut butter and honey sandwiches are incredibly good.
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