Saturday, February 17, 2007

my teenage christian soul

what would happen if i cleaned my room and paid the overdue bills and recharged my calling card and finished my 'grad school' application and studied for my tests and read suff for class and bought real food and went to sleep earlier and woke up before noon and wrote off my silly fantasies? what would happen if i returned phone calls and turned the ringer on and put air in my tires and washed my glasses and wiped my nose and wrote thank-you notes and said happy birthday and stopped collapsing after each vague dream of heartbreak? what would happen if i stopped hurting myself and hating myself and ignoring myself and hiding myself and wasting myself? what if i said what i meant and smiled less often and moved forward with confidence and didn't fall in love with memories? would it still matter that i am untouchable, unreachable, and unlovable? would i still go to bed hungry and wake up fatigued? would i still be writing trash at one in the morning?

i know this is dumb but i do it anyway, fuck you. at least i'm fucking open in SOME venue. funny ha-ha.


Blogger Jonny said...

i could fuck off for my entire life and still be lusting for more, or so it seems right now. Why do you always rag on your post as you write it, usually in the better ones? Oh ya, cuz the post is a self ragging rant- right. ^.^ /hug

7:42 PM  
Blogger Jesse said...

fuck everyone and their ideas about what's acceptable. why the hell should i shave? why the hell should i wear anything beyond these army pants? why the hell should i pour my orange juice into a cup? we're a bunch of animals.

i'd return your virtual hug, jonny, but i don't quite know how to do it, and i'd feel like an ass if i just mimicked your slash method. so i'll just say XOXO and leave it at that. XOXO.

8:43 PM  

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