Friday, May 25, 2007


i was introduced to nutella back in my high school french class. most of my peers in the class had long-suspected that america may not be the best country in the world (that's probably why we were taking french) and finding out that european kids ate nutella rather than peanut butter only supported our theory. thank god i had nutella with fresh bread this morning, or i might not have been able to handle this REAL article i read on>1=10015

you don't have to actually read the entire article, as i've posted the best bits here:

"Yankee Doodle Daddy
One man's plan for raising patriotic kids.

When the kids are very small, buy them one of those wooden USA jigsaw puzzles...Their apathy is irrelevant. Your message that this frontier is available to them will insinuate its way into their mushy little brains. Don't, under any circumstances, be deterred by their mother, who may claim, and I quote, that you're "browbeating the kids" with images of Kansas, golden with grain. Women love their country differently than we do.

Offer your children money to memorize every state capital. Ignore their mother's whining that they should learn for learning's sake. Mastering this list will be a great long-term asset to your child. It's worth $25. Trust me. Nobody who grew up knowing all the state capitals has ever become society's problem.

Offer them money to memorize both the Preamble to the Constitution and the Gettysburg address. These are magical pieces of writing. If they have a niche in your children's brains, our country is well served, and the kids will always feel as though they have a home. MORE IMPORTANT, THEIR CHANCES OF GOING TO COLLEGE DOUBLE.

Don't worry that your patriotic propaganda is wasted on them. Or if your wife claims that you're actually making them hate America with "all your pop quizzes on the leading products of Wisconsin." Your message will make its way into their hearts."

is it just me or does it sound like this man should get a divorce? seriously, he seems to think his wife is a total bitch, he may as well give up the ghost already. also, i'd like to point to "the animaniacs" as evidence that knowing all the state capitols does NOT preclude your being a rascal (doesn't jesse know all the state capitols too?). and while knowing the preamble to the constitution and the gettysburg address may or may not double your children's chances of getting into college, it will drop their acceptance rate to grad school to just about 2.7% (that's the latest figure i've seen, anyway).


Blogger Jonny said...

My Dad was pretty cool when I was little. He launched bottle rockets at other cars while he drove us around. When I was like 15 he must have read an article like this. He decided he wasn't doing enough to learn me. He made me skip going out with friends to write reports on things from national geographic and stuff. It pissed me off to no end.

9:17 AM  

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