waiting to wake up

i can feel a ship approaching; i just hope it's not one of those make-believe ships.

tori amos, dramarama, cleaning my room, thinking vaguely of bettering myself, going to the library. i want to be protected, safe, tired. it's like i'm ALWAYS holding back, so much that i hardly even notice anymore. right? when can i relax and spit up? i don't let myself cross the street without making damn sure which side is better. fucking annoying.

so action movies might be pretty rad, actually. why not? and blink182 just came on the radio. YES.

'but everybody's gone
i've been here for too long'

DAMNIT.

i can do this forever, i think. i'm so afraid of being an asshole that i pre-emptively act like one. DON'T FUCK THIS UP.

why is there food besides cereal? who are we kidding?

i can make promises because i have an empty heart and a way with words.

sometimes i forget that other people can see and hear me. that this isn't a big weird dream of mine. waiter, there's a flaw in my solitude!