on my back

got a truck, hilljack special. summer will be loud and trashy. mostly loud. 460 V8, motherfuckers. the kid is back.

dicksuck major, drugly minor

left alone, right? right. that one bad decision repeated endlessly, the same song over and over, FUCK. a different set of initials and the same goddamn clumsiness. absurd.

deposit, withdrawal, ignore and decline. dive in and break your neck, pretend not to feel a thing. fake surprise, nuanced detachment. i am sick of the whole list, each and every phrase. i present disdain for your disapproval; like it?

left alone, right? right.

more cowbell

so i was at sea-tac airport yesterday, waiting for patrick's flight to come in and i was fucking starving. so i go over to one of those over-priced airport snack/newspaper/coffee shops and see a moonpie. this looks genius to me, so i get it. i should have been warned when none of the fucking cashiers could get it to scan. right then i should've said, look i'll get one of those fresh donuts instead. but i didn't. i was committed to the moonpie. which was retarded, because as soon as i started eating it i realized that moonpies taste like shit and threw most of it away.

i then spent the rest of the day in bed with a fever (totally unrelated to the moonpie). this morning the fever is gone, but the sore throat and vertigo persist. it's been over a year since i had a fever and while it sucked, the sleep was amazing. to say nothing of the nightmares. in one of them, the daughter of the pastor whose church i went to as a kid was trying to kill me with this funky blow-dart gun.

so yeah, good sunday

what gpa did you graduate with?

my favorite comment from the student evaluations from last quarter's class i TA'd: "What makes you the expert?" well, um, you are taking a class from me. to my thinking, this means you think i'm the expert, 'cause why the fuck would you sign up to take a class from someone who doesn't know what they're talking about?

also, the many people who said: "take it easy on the grading" WTF! what a bunch of whiny-assed cry-babies. seriously. most intelligent people would agree that taking off points for bad grammar in a formal writing assignment is not "silly," even if it is a science class and not an english class.

and most of these people will probably graduate with >3.0 gpa.

at least the students' evaluations of me weren't any worse than what they said about the professor. that really sucks.

indiana stars

new ways of losing track of my thoughts. surreal start with a portland motel and the stench of alcohol and cigarettes. stopping in georgia, crashing into indiana as the day ends. windows down, music loud, highways wide open. gas station sodas and a steady stream of smoke, untouchable. midwest hopefuls and the dawn of another summer. fleet of bikes, fixed, bum, mountain. sidewalk renegades tracking chicken and potatoes. forging trails to wal-mart, floating free in the goddam woods. endless cow pastures at night, mistaking stars for thoughts. the hyper-real passion of mouthbreather, homegrown amusement and bottled laughter. (i think this is how happiness feels.) putting voices to names, choking up from the feeling of home. DO. mindblowing chinese food in our bodies, old blink 182 in our ears, the setting sun in our eyes, free at last. bottomless chicken on a dirty patch of grass, no socks and no rules. wondering at the spinning thoughts in my head, embracing the falling sensation and hiding from nothing. cursive catalyzing everything, smashing onto the scene with perfect precision, so fucking beautiful. everything. i need to hold onto this as long as i can.

uuuuhhhhgg

Ya, hell to pay, or some milder word. Jesse was here, in IN. We frolicked for a couple days. Glorious. Now, um, catchup on everything- work, sleep, chores, favors, etc. I don't wanna.

ya

the fear wash over and let it go? sure, sounds good L

So, I find myself leading a group of more than 30 people in the realm of rugby. Awesome, stressful. We haven't got a ref yet for the game scheduled in a few hours, same as last week. This week it wasn't my fault though, mostly. It really forces you to reel (real) it in. Can't be on the blip when there's 30 high school boys smashing into each other and you are in charge.