gotta feed the monkey

so i was called in to testify in court against the nut who hit me. and he is a nut. i met with a lawyer an hour before the trial started and she read me what he said in interviews. turns out he recognized me as a russian porn star who he had frequently watched and fallen in love with. he wanted to marry me, but i was an evil porn star and wouldn't marry him, so he wanted to hurt me. but it's ok, he didn't mean to hurt me badly and he didn't think he hit me very hard. good thing, or he'd probably be on trial for murder. he went on to say some things about the world trying to poison him and not being harmed because there was a higher power protecting him, yadayadayada. the judge asked all the witnesses to leave after he identified us, then he read these statements back to the crazy guy and asked him if this was true, if what he said was right. the crazy guy said it was, the judge ordered him for psychiatric evaluation and i'll be called back later when a new date is set, either for normal court or crazy court, depending on the psychiatric evaluation.

so look out, cute teen girls wearing those "porn star" shirts. you could be next.