bottom of this

alright, so i'm writing this mostly to see if it gets posted twice. i feel like a parent telling a kid that it's going to hurt me more than them before a spanking. school has started and i had a lab meeting today and i only take one class a day but the days fill with all this other shit. in grad school, it's not the classes, it's the meetings. seminars, etc. all this extracurricular shit they don't tell you about until NOW and suddenly you're totally booked.

tonight i've got half a subway sandwich and a bottle of wine for dinner.

this is where my ship has run aground
stuck on the mud in the puget sound
...
i'm lonely still

you're so vague

i started out on monday sort of dressing up, you know? but now it's back to army pants and v-necks. because fuck it. because fuck the game, fuck the dance, fuck the show. dr. drew bellowing 'nobody cares' at us. this is supposed to be fun, so we do what we want. stickers on the locker, pb&j on the floor, CCSN notebook. for the life of me i can't find a phone at psu that offers free local calls. i'll find one, though. if i have to go all the way to steele east. if you don't do something for long enough, eventually it won't have to be done. a penny saved is a penny earned. god hates emo fags. i have to go.

you're so vague

i started out on monday sort of dressing up, you know? but now it's back to army pants and v-necks. because fuck it. because fuck the game, fuck the dance, fuck the show. dr. drew bellowing 'nobody cares' at us. this is supposed to be fun, so we do what we want. stickers on the locker, pb&j on the floor, CCSN notebook. for the life of me i can't find a phone at psu that offers free local calls. i'll find one, though. if i have to go all the way to steele east. if you don't do something for long enough, eventually it won't have to be done. a penny saved is a penny earned. god hates emo fags. i have to go.

Spam Poetry

So Listen you pusillanimous knockkneed shrimp Im going to mash in time to get those talks on Edison all over again ore and not always ready to call us into trouble and so saying We always turn to those who love us I think in hours of I shudder Lizzie when I think of unfolding the sad story of my better cadet in the institute old Brown says that himself I find I hope he is worthy of you whoever it may be We Tyrians are not so devoid of sense Deceivd her friends her son and wretched me. So Listen you pusillanimous knockkneed shrimp Im going to mash

Spam Poetry

So Listen you pusillanimous knockkneed shrimp Im going to mash in time to get those talks on Edison all over again ore and not always ready to call us into trouble and so saying We always turn to those who love us I think in hours of I shudder Lizzie when I think of unfolding the sad story of my better cadet in the institute old Brown says that himself I find I hope he is worthy of you whoever it may be We Tyrians are not so devoid of sense Deceivd her friends her son and wretched me. So Listen you pusillanimous knockkneed shrimp Im going to mash

Spam Poetry

So Listen you pusillanimous knockkneed shrimp Im going to mash in time to get those talks on Edison all over again ore and not always ready to call us into trouble and so saying We always turn to those who love us I think in hours of I shudder Lizzie when I think of unfolding the sad story of my better cadet in the institute old Brown says that himself I find I hope he is worthy of you whoever it may be We Tyrians are not so devoid of sense Deceivd her friends her son and wretched me. So Listen you pusillanimous knockkneed shrimp Im going to mash

left standing

so i just finished my college's TA training. not the UW training, but the college of ocean and fishery sciences training.

FUCK

someday, a future employer is going to read this blog, realize who i am based on the information i've provided and realize i'm a total fucktard and not hire me.

it was good. they gave us beer. i was the only one who got drunk (which is what the old TAs were figuring all of us would do) and started suggesting things like hanging on to a net while wearing scuba gear and measuring fish with some sort of really expenisive, big, heavy laser measuring-thing. i left after everyone else with a couple of beers and a bottle of wine back to my office. i would've taken more, but i'm small and can only carry so much. damn my dainty wrists.

newe reed

this just in: UW is the newe reed. seriously. i'm on lunch break for the ta conference and during the plenary session, i sat next to this phil major we graduated with (well, i guess j-wary and sammy didn't graduate with her, but whatever). she was telling me about a couple reed grads she knew going here and i told her about one other one i know. so yeah. i know people here. take that.

Make it.

I swear to god, everyone I work with says goodbye like Mr. Sandler in Punch Drunk Love. That is, just inch away until the distance is great enough to concider interaction over, or make some awkward "and bye bye" type of valeutation.
Also, I have a written assignment due in an hour. So, I better do that.

you, for once. HA. nevermind.

um. i'm pressing myself up against the edge of this desk because it hurts. why people wear chokers around their necks. i hate stuff around my neck, though. i feel like i'm on the verge of some great illness. not really. i just feel a little off. like when i get home in 20 minutes i'll be confronted with tension. which is weird, because there isn't really any tension. i just seem to HAVE to be tense about something. anxious, a little wary. or maybe i just write these things to be writing things? how far can we take this? i had a headache last night. i want to dye my hair electric blue. i want to be pure and smoke-filled at the same time. i don't know what i want. school starts in two weeks and i haven't signed up for classes. school? what? hm. i want better posture but i like the comfort of slouching. the guilt of pleasure. i want a certain kind of music but i can't seem to track it down. it's always in a movie, it's always perfect, and it's always fleeting. i make myself go faster and faster, until my throat burns from breathing, but i don't feel spent. i just want that exhaustion, that clarity. those voices. i want the ease of fog, the blurred joy. no adornments. except for the electric blue hair. and the wallet chain and the rubber band and the shoelace scrap. i want to walk faster, sweep by buildings and not even see them, make the blocks disappear like the dotted lines. or i want to curl up and sleep under trees, on sidewalks, in bus shelters. sometimes i think my whole life is leading up to a period of homelessness, because i'm always thinking of ways to use public space. making note of bathrooms, secluded spots, empty roads. drinking fountains, places open late. i want bunkbeds. i would sleep mostly on bottom, i think. i'd be scared that there was someone under me that i couldn't see if i was on top. i want endless payphones, ringing ears from rock shows. bracing wind outside, which is why i'm still writing. if i think about it too much, i'll just cry when people look at me. i cut my hair outside last night, without the aid of a mirror. i want to pee everywhere. silly boy.

given that our blood is just like the Atlantic

It's a official: I'm a Jersey boy (or does that honorific only apply after decades of hanging around convenience stores here?)

busy, busy, sit and wait

today is labor day. the day we celebrate work by taking the day off. that's like celebrating kitten day by killing kittens.
tomorrow i am unburdened of two years worth of hair and i return to seattle.

Picking

Scratch like a chicken. Or a monkey.

Strum my strings, rockin. With mr mt dew.

Harvest moms's tomatoes.

I forgot.

apples and oranges

the monitor is called 'ViewSonic' and the keyboard 'KeyTronic'. that's hilarious.

what we all want is beyond me. i just want it to be cold and gray. enough of this blasted sun.

'i'm trying to keep cool, but everyone likes you.'

i i i. you're so busy. i'm so restless. this lethargy is a hard front to maintain.

i care less than phil collins, but more than dave grohl.

would that be shocking if i threw psu in the gutter and moved to alabama? would it be dumb? no and yes. i need to MOVE THE FUCK ON. this isn't some song or movie. alabama's not what it is in my head's night.

we're not equipped for this. where's the killing machine, the smog, the tasty poison? the numbing facts aren't doing their job. we need something sterile, simple, and painful. a clean cut, a screaming stereo, a heavy rain. wash away the heavy stink of boredom and tension. flaunt our youth, bask in it. anything but this goddam sun, please.