fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i have a field trip i am ostensibly organizing leaving from the school at 5:45 tomorrow morning. the buses don't run that early, so i'm camping in my office. it's a rafting trip and several people have added since i gave the guide the original numbers. this is potentially a problem. i cannot locate any of the shitton of gear i'm supposed to take and i am the only one in my lab today. i also can't locate dude who organizes labs and could maybe loan me gear i cannot find.

read title to post.

repeat.

Way

How did teaching go Liz?

I was sick last week, and didn't come to work too much. Now I'm back in action, and I want to go home. Like, slightly more than usual.

The weather has turned to spring, and its quite lovely, but I went strait from being sick to having wicked allergies. My throught is all swollen up. The health center chick said it was allergies. I have my doubts, but what can ya do. Benadryl makes me sleepy.

Oh ya, it was my birthday on Friday. I got some stuff. And I'm 25. Oh boy. Go east oh eight?

foot firmly in hand

so i'm giving the first lecture of the year for the class i'm ta'ing. the bullshit lecture that doesn't really matter. so i've had some, ahem, motivational issues about actually thinking about what exactly i'm going to say tomorrow. i figured i could count on my natural charm and charisma to get me through, but then i thought about the david sedaris art school teaching experience and decided about 10 minutes ago that i might want to pull a powerpoint together.

i've never been in the classroom before. hopefully there's a computer and projector.

and so on

oh yeah, happy vernal equinox everyone.

vernal equinox sounds dirty, which is why it's my favorite equinox/solstice of the year.

taptaptap

i fell off the horse i was training this weekend (see above). it wasn't that bad, but i jacked my ankle on the way down so i can't run for a few days. i went swimming today, but it's just not the same. rather than coming back from my workout glowing with refreshed skin, i came out with scaly, dry, smelly skin. it smells like a combination of chlorine and "love spell" body lotion. which is funny, because that's exactly what my skin came into contact with.

i have this vague bad feeling in my head. not exactly a headache, but it's not good. it makes me want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

i have to come into school tomorrow at 8:30. in the MORNING. now, you might ask, why the fuck would i have to go into school at 8:30 during spring break? well, i was a dipshit and volunteered to meet with my advisor tomorrow before he leaves for amsterdam or some shit. he said we could just email, but no, i thought it would be best to meet with him in person. it is true i've seen him for exactly 15 minutes in the past month and it is also true i'm giving the first lecture of his class next week, which is why i thought i should maybe, you know, spend some time conversing with him while in the same room. but i'm regretting it more and more the more i think about waking up at 7:10 to get here at 8:30.

some people ride horses for a LIVING. that is what they do. someone remind me why i am not one of those people?

on the plus side, america's next top model is on tonight. so i have something to look forward to.

i ended a bunch of my sentances with prepositions, but the feeling in my head is preventing me from dealing with them. just ignore them. please.

now i crawl

back from LV this afternoon, five days of a reversed schedule, sleeping all day, up all night, now at school, blinking away the visions. soaking clothes, rain, bagels in bag, dew in bag, scared to think about anything more than hugh grant. iamquitecrushedandheartbroken. words are all the living have and now i'm supposed to WHAT?! schoolworklittleboyfacepeople? nothankyou. fantasies of heart attack on bike from airport bus shelter lions. wal-mart 1am for patio furniture and pudding, back at 5am for sodasmokes, same cashier, sheryl crow in the car. what's wrong? the hour for cookie collapse.

only 6 minutes

until i leave this dump for the night.

heap heap

Other blogs

I finally found one that interests me by clicking the "next blog" button at the top.

http://articlescollective.blogspot.com/

SPRING BREAK!!!! WOOOOOO!

well, not quite.

earlier, i was just tired. because i drank coffee for the first time in months, i am now tired and awake and fidgety and can't concentrate for shit. but i'm not falling asleep. vast improvement.

13 more papers to grade and this quarter is OVER. wait, make that 12.

what is going on out there? in indiana and new jersey (fuck you fuckers in portland, i know what that scene's about)?

i have nothing to say. i don't know why i'm writing this. i suppose it is minimally better than grading papers. anyone want to come to seattle and get drunk with me?

know one

in a really good place to jump from chicken scratch scrawls business degree profanity in a leather seat second hand encased in gold plating hidden moisture in rolled cuffs free smokes to the homeless winded hallways and stained skin medicine for being bored medicine for being restless and dizzy double-sided printing save your fucking rubber something to lean on so i won't fall over nothing so soft as the pavement sometimes cellophane in a pocket of fog stumble through the day with a hand on the wall to steady my steps words like diseased teeth gleefully falling from a nicotine cave a caffeine tunnel with side mirrors folded in to survive the barrage of distractions and the flow of urine from electric organs in broken churches with warped pews and engorged members singing for salvation from printed flyers with rain-soaked phone numbers meant for the eyes of

Sat Night

It's Saturday night and I'm drunk, so I decided to paint this self-portrait. (clicky for large-y.)

Ya mon

hey, bob marley doesn't suck so much when you don't listen to raggae all the time. as a matter of fact, he's kind of good. the quarter is winding down and i'm ready to be done already. i just have a stats final, but i've got a shitton of papers to grade for the class i'm ta'ing. fortunately, most people don't give a shit enough to want the papers back, so i don't have to really write on them or anything, but i do still have to read them. i mean, vaguely scan them or something at least.

i had to wait around for hours for fuckers to pick up these rough drafts i graded last week and one of them didn't even bother coming at all even when i specifically emailed him and extended my office hours by a motherfucking hour. disrespectful sons of bitches.

fortunately, some bastards in my building have amazing music collections i'm listening to on itunes.

i'd like to just sit here low in my chair and listen to this counting crows with my eyes closed, but there is always the off chance someone may come into my office, so i feel like i have to find something to at least look at on the internets.

i really do not need to look at ANYTHING on the internets.

i need to look at the back of my eyelids.

keep burning the city

rode in a tight orbit around ladd's circle for fifteen minutes or so this afternoon, trying not to think. it's summery today and i skipped my first two classes of the day. i feel fucking NUMB. i need to make a list of things to do. and do them. something more than this day-to-day just-getting-by bulljazz. all of a sudden. the reason i didn't go to class today involved some dreams that were frighteningly close to reality; it seemed like a good idea to not move for a while. also: vault soda tastes like ASS.

I WANT TO FALL APART SO BEAUTIFULLY.

my alabama friends have left town, and i am heartbroken. but LV next week. a blast of desert heat to cauterize the wound.

in a burst of midnight productivity, last night i started to switch the brakes and handlebars from my bent bike to sammy's godlike steed. after a lot of frantic dismantling, i realized that my brakes wouldn't fit right on sammy's bike, and also i wasn't quite sure how to reassemble them anyway. so that didn't quite work out. but i felt like a black-handed king with all the mechanical pieces strewn about the back patio.

that was kinda boring. DON'T LOOK AT ME. i eat what i want.

or to call out your name through my soul

Go to school, go to class, go to library, go to bar. Game over.

Kinda empty. Tired of screwing up, tired of myself, tired of this town.

This, on the other hand, is pretty fuck:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6870200125295421172

Who cares about the rest: the girl dressed all in pink. I don't care about the words coming out of her mouth, but PINK! Eff yes.

Now now

So I have not much to do today. I meet with the boss formaly once every two weeks, and we talk about what I'm doing and plan stuff for me to do. The meeting is tommorow, and I've basically done everything we talked about last time. Good right? Then why am I all freaked out. Gaaa, must hit douche. Fucking around online is fine, but all day? I mean, I'm supposed to be independent, and know my own project, and be able to plan by myself. Sigh...


I make sandwiches for lunch, and ran out of bread, so went to the minimart. The have bags of chips for 33 cents. Sweet.