top 40 rebel

i'm an asshole traditional free sinking in fake immorality reeling from cheap lyrics. so little progress with the same goddam phrasing, new targets that scarily resemble bedtime memories of haphazardly imagined snapshots. i could buy a loud car and make you hate me more. or i could simply drift away. nothing's ever real when you make like these words are dumb so fuck you. i'm only yelling through plastic here. which is it? desolate fucking numbers. another few years, another few jobs? as long as i'm getting nowhere i may as well do it alone. i live for it.

ALL CAPS

i did a crossword today during lecture for the class i ta. (my god it's boring listening to the same lectures over again. and i had a hard enough time staying awake the first time.) good times, except some fucktard had gotten to it before me and screwed some things over royally, but i set it straight the best i could with what i was given.

and they used all lower-case letters. in blog posts, that's acceptable. in crosswords, it's retarded.

go home
grill dogs
sit in sun
buy cerial
call girl
play games
sleep
fast fast fast to work
sit sit sit around
look for boss
go home

what i do

this is me

R & R

not enough school, yeah, i can relate to that. the weekend before last i spent camping with the class i ta then drove straight on to p-town for a conference. i don't even know what happened there. i gave a talk, won a lame conference fun-run, and barely managed to leave the premises of the conference hotel. and why would i? we had kegs and kegs of free beer every night (everyone got shit-faced for real) and when that ran out, a dedicated group stumbled over to the hotel bar to drink margaritas and rum and cokes. there were enough drunk guys there that i never had to buy my own drinks, which is my idea of heaven.

shit, i stayed up drinking until 2:30 before my talk (early the next morning), stumbled through data i barely analyzed and the talk in general. in the q & a, a guy asked if maybe a logistic regression would have been better for some of my data than linear. he was totally right.

spent this last weekend recuperating but could recuperate all fucking week long if school would let me.

insulting

I don't know what i do besides school. It must be a lot, because I'm not doing enough school. School. January leaves today. So, boys summer, or something. Or get to work, son. Oh. Ya.

preaching to the destroyed

what the shit? do i have to keep posting here about strip club depravity and nineties rock? what's everyone ELSE doing? (besides school...)

been sitting in the truck, making empty cans, impressing people with my asshole tendencies, laughing at the world as i'm fucking it. pearl jam. loud. i don't even LIKE pearl jam. black fingers and toes to demonstrate something or other. comedies? oprah books? too many shirts. forgotten associates and ignored phone calls, living on a weekly basis. oh FUCK, a song by live just came on. over and out.

mister macho man

is this true? is it late? are all these cans really empty? tomorrow holds the answers, tonight holds the paralysis. my disco heartbeat and your stuttering attention. light up them tires, boy. influenced by granite. when do i get some cereal? shit. why do i pretend you care? why do i want that certificate of authenticity with our names on it? why am i afraid of my own life? synthetic appreciation from sin city, distant taste of cheap cigarettes smoked on deserted park benches. my false breakdown a distant disaster. i could be quiet forever.

Uuggh

Committee meeting yesterday. Did that. I want to sleep forever. But a big ol list to do now. Do do do. uhhhhgggg